Good to Talk · Helping a mate · Free. Always.
You can't force every decision — but safety changes things
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E. If you need urgent mental-health help but it is not an emergency, in England call NHS 111 and select the mental-health option or use NHS 111 online where appropriate.
Watching somebody struggle while refusing help is frightening and frustrating.
Understand the resistance
Fear, shame, bad previous experiences, hopelessness, practical barriers or not recognising the severity can all play a part. Ask what is stopping them rather than repeating “get help”.
Keep offering specific routes
Offer to sit with them while they call, find the service together or accompany them where appropriate.
What can I say when he keeps saying “I’m fine”?
Start with something you have noticed, rather than a label you have chosen for him. Pick a private moment when neither of you is rushing. These are example openings, not a script you have to deliver perfectly:
- “You’ve missed our last couple of catch-ups. I wanted to check how things are, rather than assume you’re busy.”
- “You seem worn out lately. Is there something making the week harder?”
- “We don’t have to sort everything now. Would you prefer a chat, some company, or help with something practical?”
If he talks, give him room to finish. Ask what would help before offering a solution. NHS guidance recommends listening, gently exploring the reasons for refusing help and offering practical support; pressure can make the conversation harder.
If the first answer is still “leave it”
You can respect a refusal to talk while keeping the door open: “All right. I’m still here. Would it be okay if I checked in tomorrow?” If he agrees, follow through. A lift, doing a food shop together or sitting with him may be more welcome than another speech.
A person may be worried about cost, not know what happens at an appointment, or have had an upsetting previous experience. Ask which part feels difficult. You do not need to win an argument about whether he is “ill enough”.
Turn “get help” into one manageable choice
| What he says | A possible response |
|---|---|
| “I wouldn’t know what to say.” | “Shall we write down what’s changed, so you have something to take to the appointment?” |
| “I don’t want everyone knowing.” | “We can look at how a service handles privacy before you decide whether to contact it.” |
| “I can’t face another phone call.” | “Would it help if I sat with you while you contacted the service, or we checked its other contact options?” |
| “Talking won’t fix the bills.” | “Would you like help organising the immediate problem, as well as somewhere to talk about how it’s affecting you?” |
You can care without becoming the whole support service
Be honest about when you are available. “I can come round this evening; I can’t be on call all night” is clearer than promising unlimited support. Do not promise secrecy if safety may be at risk. Use the existing guide to asking about suicide if you are concerned; silence is not reassurance.
If you cannot keep yourself or someone else safe, call 999 or go to A&E. Do not wait for the next agreed check-in. For urgent support without an immediate emergency, use the UK support guide. Your own safety matters too.
For more on listening and practical support, read NHS Every Mind Matters. These examples do not replace professional or emergency care.
Immediate risk is different
If you believe somebody is in immediate danger, use emergency services. You do not need their permission to call for emergency help when life is at risk.
Useful next pages
Trusted help & further reading
- NHS — where to get urgent help for mental health
- NHS Every Mind Matters — helping others
- Samaritans — if you're worried about someone else
This section is practical guidance, not emergency or clinical care. If somebody's safety is at immediate risk, use emergency services.